Apr 2014
Josie Bungert


We’ve all been there: you’re walking down any random hallway and you see a couple making out hardcore in a locker bay, who think the barely 5-feet tall metal constructions are blocking their intimate moment from the rest of the world passing by. You try not to stare too long, try not to make a face, and continue on your way.

If you’re wondering “Locker bay? Where on Earth does she go to college that they have lockers?” you have a right to be confused. This is a situation that was incredibly common at my high school, and I use this example because this is the only time in your life that this kind of public displaying of affection is even remotely acceptable (and even then, it can gross ya out). Here’s why.

When you’re in new, budding relationships when you’re 15, often, you literally cannot let go of that person for five seconds, out of fear they may leave you forever. Sometimes you don’t let go out of sheer joy that you actually have someone that you can hang onto. And I don’t use that word “hang” lightly: when you’re in a high school relationship you tend to grab onto that person like a leech escaping the lake, hands glued together. And you don’t walk down the hallway together, you stumble, because you’re both grasping in such strange ways it makes it impossible to maneuver the crowds and staircases. Part of me is happy I didn’t go to high school with my boyfriends, or I would have run the risk of being one of those leeches that looks back and wishes someone would have pulled me off.

This “pleasedontleavemeimneverlettinggo” mentality should end when you go to college. Even if you didn’t date in high school and the relationship you are in now is your first, don’t behave this way. If you were on the flip side of that and were one of these kids when you were in high school, resist the urge to be like this with your boyfriend or girlfriend. You’re in college, therefore you must learn to be independent. Do not become a “neverletmego” couple. I legit saw a couple at the gym last night holding onto each other as they were running on the track. He had his hand on the small of her back. I’m sorry, could you not leave each other for a 30 minute work out? Or could you at least run next to each other, without the need to touch? There is NOTHING worse than the couple that says goodbye for five minutes…before leaving each other for class…and says hi for five minutes…after every class…all day… every…day….

These actions bring me to my next example: the “alldayerryday” couples (separate from the “neverletmego” couples because, hey, maybe they don’t physically hold onto one another). What you do in your free time at the end of the day is totally and completely up to you; I am not about to judge if you spend every night with your SO (that’s a different issue for a different time). But, I am about to judge if every time I see you on campus I don’t just see you, I see you+SO, 100% of the time. Whether you like it or not, your inability to walk to class alone or eat lunch with a friend as opposed to your SO counts as PDA. When you did this in high school, hanging out in the cafeteria with your new boyfriend or girlfriend, it was acceptable, because no one expected you to grasp the idea of independence when you didn’t even have a license.

Finally, the real, “nitty-gritty PDAers” (not to be confused with the “neverletmego”ers either, because this is kissing, straight up making out, not just climbing on one another like monkeys at the zoo). I see couples makin’ out, feeling each other up everywhere on campus. There was a time that I walked into a building and had to immediately reroute around a couple who was making out IN THE ENTRYWAY to the building, paying no attention to where they were and what they were doing. I almost ran into them. How awkward would that have been? If you actually cannot get your tongue out of your SO’s mouth long enough to get to a private area, there are some issues going on.

ALL of this needs to stop for three simple reasons:

1.) high school = hormones, college = character. I forgave (or tried to forgive) most of these actions when I was in high school because your hormones are goin’ cray and young love is adorable. But in college, you need to grow up and establish some class.

2.) Your PDA in college is amplified because EVERYWHERE but your dorm/home is public. It’s not like high school where I just see you doing that at lunch. I see you doing that at lunch, and on my way to class, and while I’m studying, and while I am going for a walk, and while I am at the gym…the list goes on.

3.) College is a time for you to establish yourself. If you behave in these ways, you will get a reputation, and you will be “that couple.” Even if you, God forbid, break up, you have the potential of forever being “that girl who always used to sit outside the church mackin’ on her BF.” Make a name for yourself, and make it a good one.

Now, let me cut some couples some slack. Of course you can walk to class together without being judged. If you hold hands, give each other a peck or a hug as you say goodbye, I don’t care. I don’t expect you to act like your significant other has cooties (In fact, it can get kinda awkward when you see a couple who has been dating awhile walking five feet away from each other.)

The bottom line of all of these examples is this: NO ONE wants to see that. You may think you’re being cute, but intimate moments are for your private homes, not for my walk to class.

I’m not saying this because I don’t like couples. In fact, if you read anything I write, you know I love love. But please, for the love of all that is holy, if you’re on cloud 9 with someone in college, don’t let me see it expressed through disgusting displays of affection.

Any thoughts on this? Tweet at me, @jlbungert