TSM: The Single Move
As a sorority woman, I find myself frequenting many of the articles on totalsororitymove.com. Most of the time, they are entertaining and offer a relatable look at the college experience. However, yesterday an article called “4 Reasons Everyone Should be Single in College” came out on said website, and I could not have been more upset and disappointed in the young woman blogger who posted it. And it’s not just because I am not single.
First of all, she had four reasons. Four. This makes me believe she really didn’t have that many examples to provide, or any real concrete reasons as to why this should be so. Which is ridiculous. I am not single, and I can think of tons more than four.
Second of all, her reasons were not good reasons, nor were they reasons that apply only to the college demographic. “Break Ups”. “Drama, Drama, Drama”, “Parties” and “Friends Are More Important Than ‘Mr. Right Now’ ” were the reasons. Without even reading the reasoning she had to back these up, I can tell you that ALL of those reasons can be relevant pretty much whenever (even post grad). Heck, I had friends (and even myself) who fit under all of those reasons in high school, let alone college. The only one I would say would be most distinctly college would be parties, but even then, going to parties is possible when you are in a relationship and your significant other doesn’t go to the party. I have done it, and I didn’t spend it standing against the wall or crying in the bathroom, like the blogger said someone like me would in her post. Just because I don’t “grind up on other guys” doesn’t mean I don’t have fun. The key is, go with your girlfriends, have a fun time dancing with them and hanging out, and serve as your single friend’s wing woman. You do not have to be anti social simply because you aren’t single. It isn’t rocket science.
Third of all, if you don’t experience a relationship in college, are you planning on beginning dating immediately when you get out? Both college and post-grad are environments of significant change and transition. Both environments provide complications, and I wouldn’t argue one more than the other. In addition to that, I think that the young blogger assumes that everyone who dates in college is looking for a serious relationship, which I would again argue is not the case. I have many friends who date to date, and if a serious relationship were to come of it, that’s okay, but they are also okay if it doesn’t. Dating can be just dating.
In general, I would have had a lot more respect for this young woman’s post if her reasons were actually meaningful, and embraced good things about being single. So, even though I am happily in a committed relationship, I took the liberty of writing my own reasons (with help from a single friend) for all you single folks out there. You don’t have to listen to me, but I just want to show that I think pretty much ANYONE, single or in a relationship, can write a better list than this blogger did.
10 Legit Reasons to Stay Single in College
1.) Independence. College is definitely a time to learn about who you are. Many prefer to remain single simply because they want to learn about themselves and grow. It can be hard to find your independence when seriously dating someone, and being independent is an important skill to learn when you’re young.
2.) Focusing on school. Relationships, even if they are happy and healthy, can be a huge distraction. Especially if you are a student has not been in a relationship before, being away from home and having the control of your own time can be a hard adjustment. If you’re dating someone, you can control your time with him or her, and that can end up being a problem.
3.) Doing what you want with your time. Off of “relationships can be distracting,” when you’re dating someone, your free time can easily become “our” time, especially when things get serious. As much as you may like the person you’re dating, they do become something to factor into your life. If that’s not something you want, or you already feel like your free time is limited, dating in college may not be for you.
4.) Not wanting roots. Let’s be honest, many people go to college with no intention of staying in the city/state/area that they went to school in. Getting into a relationship in college could be tricky because of this.
5.) The ability to be friends with whomever you want. Not that this should happen in a relationship, but it does. Sometimes you may feel like you can’t hang out with people of the opposite sex, or maybe you have a best friend of the opposite sex and you like that dynamic and don’t want to lose it. Either way, dating could mess up that dynamic.
6.) Making your own memories. When you’re doing everything with your significant other, memories may come in twos. If you remain single, all of the memories with you and your friends won’t be shared, but will instead be yours and yours alone, therefore solidifying your college experience.
7.) Saving money. May seem lame, but this is a valid and legitimate reason to not date in college. College kids are broke, and dating can be expensive, between going out on dates and buying gifts for various occasions. Being single leaves more money for you, and it allows you to choose how you want to spend your money.
8.) Spending time learning what you are looking for in a significant other. If you aren’t actually dating, you can really learn, from observing others and thinking about yourself, what it is that you want. This could avoid a dating game later on in life, since you will already know what you want.
9.) Developing and blossoming. Again, may sound lame, but why not wait to date until you are done changing and growing, both physically and mentally? You will be putting your best self forward then, for when you do start dating.
10.) Spending time helping your friends who are looking for a relationship work through their own dating issues. If you are a person that is not actively seeking a relationship, you can focus your only thoughts of dating and relationships on other people, which, for you at the time, could be the healthiest interaction you have with dating.
These are the reasons I respect friends of mine who are single or who aren’t forcing “Mr. Right” to come along. I feel (as a girl in a relationship) that this blogger’s arguments do not accurately reflect the single people in my life. I wrote this blog in honor of them; being single is a wonderful thing and people should embrace it when they are more often.